Author Archives: Amy Gage

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About Amy Gage

A community relations director in higher education and mother of two adult sons, Amy Gage spent the first 20 years of her career as a journalist and public speaker in St. Paul and Minneapolis, Minnesota. The issues addressed in her award-winning newspaper column, "On Balance: Issues That Affect Work and Home," remain relevant today. In "The Middle Stages," she continues the vital conversation about women's work and lives, with a focus on the challenges and contradictions of aging, the mixed blessings of forsaking family time for the more immediate rewards of a career, and how middle-aged women can continue to forge full lives even as their priorities and sensibilities change.

The Morning After . . . and What Comes Next

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None of us saw this coming.

The morning after a presidential election that will go down in history for its sweeping affirmation of a “me first” brand of nationalist politics, I was doing what I do every morning: walking my two dogs. After crossing a busy street, the dogs were straining at their expandable leashes as we approached a person in a black trench coat.

“Two dogs behind you!” I yelled. As we passed the individual, I turned and explained, “We didn’t want to scare you.” And then, exhausted from a 15-hour shift as a poll worker the previous day and after a night when, again, I got too little sleep, I said: “It’s a dark morning today.”

The person, a young adult of indeterminate gender, looked over and apparently judged me to be safe. “I’m trans,” they said, “and I’m terrified.”

My eyes filled with tears as I put a gloved hand to my heart. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I am so, so sorry.” As they moved on, I called out, “Be well,” and we exchanged a look of compassion and understanding that has been replicated many times in my liberal urban neighborhood during this awful, incomprehensible week.

“I wouldn’t want this man for my neighbor, let alone my president,” said the owner of an antiques store two blocks from my house as he unlocked his front door. He told me he had read the Gettysburg Address right before the election and lamented that the days of a president with the intellect, humanity and foresight of Abraham Lincoln were clearly long past.

“Government of the people, by the people, for the people.” Indeed. We liberals and progressives misjudged what the people wanted.

At my husband’s request, I returned the “No Project 2025” sign to my next-door neighbor, who had handmade a number of them for people’s yards. “I don’t want us to be a target,” my husband said, and I understood immediately. The Harris/Walz sign in our dining room window, however, remains. My virtue signaling, yes; my small rebellion.

On PBS NewsHour last night, which I watch every Friday for the analysis of journalists David Brooks and Jonathan Capehart, former anchor and sometime reporter Judy Woodruff checked in again with voters whom she had interviewed throughout the fall.

The economy and immigration were key themes, as they were among the majority of Americans who voted for Donald Trump, but identity politics and fear came up as well:

  • A middle-aged Black man said when he woke up the day after the election, “it was a feeling of, ‘Here we go again.’ We’re moving back in time.”
  • A young white man said he supported Trump because he is tired of being blamed. “Being male and white in recent years, we’ve been told that we’re the problem in society. . . . Everyone who’s oppressed, quote-unquote, is being oppressed by white men.” He said Trump ran against diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) initiatives “meant to lower the amount of white men in any sphere.”
  • A person who identifies as nonbinary, gave birth to a child and is married to a woman said they are “very concerned that legally my marriage may be dissolved” and that their wife ultimately could lose “legal rights to our son.”
  • Reflecting my own identity, one woman described herself as “an older, post-menopausal, white, retired woman.” She may not personally feel the effects of changing social policies, she explained, but her friends’ transgender children and her married lesbian niece likely will.

These thoughts echo the conversations and text exchanges I have had throughout this week. When I told my friend David, a retired attorney, that the three liberal justices on the U.S. Supreme Court “better hang on by their toes,” he took a different view. Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas, the two oldest conservative members of the high court’s six-person super majority, will retire “within two years,” he said, “while they still have a strong [U.S.] Senate.” Trump will appoint replacements “who are 40 years old,” cementing that super majority for decades.

Mary, a friend and former colleague whose family background mirrors mine, right down to our Republican attorney fathers, called the afternoon after the election while I was soothing myself in a bubble bath. “I’m white, straight, a legal citizen, non-trans, educated and in a good financial situation,” she told me. “I’m aware that others will suffer far more.”

My spiritual advisor, a socially liberal and politically active minister, put the same thought into stark historic terms: “This will be bad for others before it’s bad for us,” she said. “We have to be the good Germans now.”

It was such a hopeful 107 days. As a proud Minnesota DFLer, I reveled in Vice President Kamala Harris’ choice of Governor Tim Walz as her running mate in early August. The spirit of joy in the early days of their all-too-brief campaign (see my previous thoughts on President Joe Biden) was infectious and electrifying — and the prospect that Walz could introduce my state’s progressive agenda to the nation had me more optimistic than I have been since the Dobbs decision shut down women’s fundamental right to bodily autonomy in June 2022.

I am struggling to regain that optimism now. Some 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump, a convicted rapist whose political career should have ended when he bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy” back in 2016. His blatantly sexist (and racist and xenophobic) comments have only gotten more pronounced since then.

One conservative female columnist pushed back against those of us who would castigate white women for not caring enough about abortion rights or the significance of electing the country’s first female president, when, in fact, she said, Trump “spoke directly to voters’ top concerns.”

My top concern is short-term thinking. That the cost of a gallon of milk or a gallon of gas ultimately matters more than the loss of climate protections and democratic freedoms — including Trump’s promised mass deportations of “illegal aliens” and retribution against his “enemies,” and the threat of violence from conservative extremists when elections don’t go their way — is stunning to me. None of them has shouted the words “election fraud” this week!

On rising prices: I’d take the hit from any Trump supporter who called me privileged and middle-class, which both are true, if it weren’t for the photo of a jubilant, bejeweled blonde in West Palm Beach adorning that conservative writer’s column to illustrate the president-elect’s female support.

‘I don’t recognize the America I live in,” I wrote on Facebook on Wednesday, November 6. But here we are. He got elected, his coattails extending to Republican candidates across the country. My job now is to step out of the blue bubble that I live in, where 70 percent of voters in Ramsey County supported Harris/Walz, and start talking with — and listening to — people from the other side.

Among the folks who reached out to me that morning, after Wisconsin tipped the balance for a second Trump presidency, was my oldest friend, a woman I have known for 65 years. Janey was with me in the delivery room for the birth of each of my two sons. She held my mother’s hand and stroked her forehead in a memory-care center days before Mom died. Janey is as much a sister to me as my two older sisters.

Janey also is a Republican who voted for Trump, and we still love each other. “My hopes and prayers are we can come together as one nation that wants the best for our country,” she texted the morning after the election. “We can move on from this. We can be gracious to one another no matter which side of the aisle one belongs. We need to love and respect each other, and to understand we all come from different backgrounds and experiences.”

I do resolve to listen and learn, rather than blaming or pointing fingers. And I resolve to keep working for equity and human rights, just as I did this election cycle: door-knocking, phone banking, writing postcards. I owe that to my younger son, who yearns to have a child. I owe it to my older son, who has left the country. And I owe it to that trans neighbor walking down the street, facing a terror I cannot know.

We are here with you.

Evolving Reflections on ‘Home’

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My husband and I raised our two sons in Northfield, Minnesota — a progressive, two-college town where I always felt safe, where we rarely locked the side door off the driveway at night, where our kids rode their bikes freely around town. Back when we sold our family home in 2013, I wanted to write an ode to the place where I had lived for 20 years, the longest stretch of my lifetime.

That house was home, full of two decades’ worth of meaning and memories, family and friends, a center of activity for sleepovers and potlucks, where boisterous boys and loving dogs (rest in peace, Skip and Lucy) were a dominant, delightful presence.

The small-town house in Northfield, Minnesota, where our two sons grew up: 20 years of memories. Photo by Amy Gage

No one else in the family seemed to share my nostalgia for the white Dutch Colonial with a three-season front porch, a black roof and red trim, built in 1900 within eyesight of Old Main at St. Olaf College. It “looked appropriate” to see two little girls dash out the front door, my younger son said after he showed the house to his girlfriend during a trip back to town. That was all he would concede.

Eventually, I moved on, too, giving my heart to the smaller, 1906-era empty-nest house my husband and I have now in St. Paul, with a quaint wraparound porch that I fell for on sight. My shifting allegiances make me wonder: Is it the house itself that makes a home? Much as I love the expanded, updated kitchen in my current place and the egress window in the basement that fills my workout room with natural light, are those amenities what have bonded me to this place? Or could I comfortably, given time, call any place home?

Our city house today: walking distance to a library, four bus lines and two colleges, and a short bike ride to the Saint Paul Grand Round. Photo by David Studer

I’ve always reveled in the creative expression of home, the furniture and wall hangings and house plants that reflect my moods and tastes. These days, I am grateful not only for the safety and security I feel at home but for the privilege of being able to afford a house at all.

I root where I am planted. Whether it’s an upper duplex in northeast Minneapolis, a rental house on the edge of Indian Mounds Park in St. Paul or the first house that my husband and I purchased, and subsequently detached from when two teenagers burned a cross on the front lawn of a Black family down the street: Home is structure for me, a physical location, a place where I can put my stamp and comfortably be myself.

I had breakfast recently with a friend who had returned from a summer in Finland, her home country. She talked about the relatives she visited, described a mass transit system that allowed her and her wife to get along without a car, spoke fondly of the concerts they attended and the greater sense of ease in a society less gun crazy and politically polarized than ours.

“So, where is home,” I asked her.

“Home is where your people are,” she said.

My people, literally defined — the family I was raised in — are either dead or have moved away. My three surviving siblings are scattered around the country (the brother who died in 1988 lived just blocks from where I am now). At 67, I have few older relatives left in Minnesota. My mother, father and stepmother died in fairly quick succession, and all during autumn, in 2015, 2017 and 2018. In fact, my only extended family in a state where people are known for staying put is one sister-in-law in Minneapolis, an uncle who spends half the year in Florida, a first cousin in a far southern suburb and another first cousin about two hours north, a DFLer who keeps up the good fight in what is now solid red Trump country.

After seeing my older son off to London for graduate school in August, I feel lucky to have my younger son and his partner just a 10-minute bike ride away.

I describe my closest friends as “intentional family” — the folks who are no blood relation but with whom I share a history, the ones who hung with me through the messes and mistakes of young adulthood. After a 40-year career, I rarely go anywhere in St. Paul or Minneapolis without running into some colleague or connection. I worked with my next-door neighbor at St. Catherine University, shared a cubicle with the neighbor behind me for seven years in a newsroom and knew the woman who lives kitty-corner from my house at Minnesota Public Radio, when I was an editor on its magazine.

So, yes, as my friend says, people constitute “home.” My friendly neighborhood — with its walkability to mass transit, college campuses, and both fun and functional shopping — also enhances my sense of community. I thrive on the convenience of urban living, especially at an age when I feel less inclined to drive and more inclined to do good for the planet.

My parents divorced when I was 14. My childhood home was sold and my foundation ripped away at too tender an age for an awkward, uncertain girl. Perhaps that accounts for my love of home now, my reluctance to travel much with my long-retired husband. As my own career winds down, I have a growing desire just to stay home. To cook and tackle projects. To read and chat with neighbors.

To redefine my purpose and until then, to be still.

When my husband presses me about why I won’t travel more, I hardly know how to begin explaining. Our six-year age difference and our differing parental roles, which made sense when the kids were young, have now become a chasm in our respective wants and needs. As a largely on-site parent, he worked at home; even when he earned a part-time paycheck, he was the one in town while I commuted to my family-wage job.

He loved being Mr. Mom, “but there were no breaks or paid vacations.” And even though I did enjoy raises and paid time off and validations for a job well done, I also spent years leaving home five days a week, including on mornings when I longed to stay back with the little boy in the footie pajamas who held his arms out as I headed to the car.

Credit: iStock
Credit: Freepik

Being at home now is sustaining; it slows me down, allowing a reset from 40 years of pushing into the wind. There is much of the world I haven’t seen, large swaths of this country I’ve yet to cover. I dream about taking a train somewhere all by myself.

But for today, the simple pleasures of tucking in with a dog and a good book, learning how to cook tofu or repotting plants in my backyard while listening to a podcast are as much adventure as I want or need. Give it time, I tell my husband. This, too, shall pass.

Signs of the Times: Do Yard Signs Make a Difference?

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In the 11 years that I’ve lived across the street from John and Carey, I’ve not known them to showcase their preferences or opinions with yard signs, unlike many in our liberal, activist, urban neighborhood. So I took note when a Friends of the Saint Paul Public Library sign went up in their front yard — an innocuous enough message, in a neighborhood with two colleges and at least one Little Free Library on every block. And I paid even more attention at the blue and white reminder for traffic to slow down on the side street that we share in our corner houses.

“I feel it’s some kind of miracle that a serious accident has not occurred at our intersection,” Carey told me, citing that as the reason why she got the “20 Is Plenty” sign, which the City of Minneapolis began distributing in 2020, when it lowered its speed limit to 25 miles per hour. (St. Paul began offering free signs to residents earlier this year.) The library sign was a gift to donors, she recalls.

The absence of political signs in their yard on a well-traveled corner is no accident. “We haven’t put up political signs for years,” Carey says. “Personally, I don’t think seeing a campaign sign in someone’s yard would ever influence me to vote for that candidate.”

Her stance is at the heart of my own household’s disagreement about political yard signs. My husband, David, thinks they’re a distraction and a blight. America “fought for the secret ballot for a reason,” he says, and it’s nobody’s business how we vote. I counter that when ill-informed voters fail to recognize all the names on their ballots, I want my candidate’s moniker top of mind: “Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of that one.”

I didn’t have yard signs at the house where we raised our sons in Northfield because I had visible jobs — editor of the twice-weekly local newspaper, later director of communications for one of the town’s two private liberal arts colleges — and expressing my viewpoints publicly would have been inappropriate (and unethical as a journalist).

Later, when we moved to St. Paul, I hesitated to display my liberal leanings because of my position as director of neighborhood relations for the state’s largest private college, a Catholic institution. Many students and neighbors knew where I lived, five blocks east of the campus’ northern edge. An “All Are Welcome Here” sign by my own Little Free Library seemed harmless enough, but I waited to plant the pro-choice UnRestrict Minnesota sign in my front yard until I had left the university in September 2022. Having been reported to the general counsel’s office for my activism with Planned Parenthood North Central States, I prioritized job security and bided my time.

Freedom of speech

Signs, flags, bumper stickers: They can serve as advertisements, virtue signaling, rebellions against the establishment or just plain fun.

I laughed out loud when I first saw an “Any Functioning Adult” yard sign in Minneapolis during the 2020 presidential race. More recently, during another heated presidential campaign, I smiled at a yard sign in Grand Rapids, Minnesota to elect a family pet amid the battling Harris-Walz and Trump-Vance signs.

As seen in Minneapolis.
Having fun Up North.

For others in my neighborhood, yard signs are both joyful expressions and serious business. Jamie, the husband and father in the family next door, has printed anti-Project 2025 signs for his yard (and mine) and was among the first on our block to put a Black Lives Matter stake in the ground. “I believe yard and window signs express my beliefs and values,” he says, “especially related to landmark and once-in-a-lifetime cultural change issues like gay marriage or systemic racial injustice.”

Jamie also has printed a T-shirt that he wears when he waves pro-democracy signs with other activists on a busy street corner once a week: “People of quality are not threated by people seeking Equality,” the T-shirt reads.

Two hand-made porch signs at my next-door neighbors’ home.

His wife says the handmade signs in their porch windows were a creative outlet for the oldest of their three children during the early days of COVID and in the explosive aftermath of the police killing of George Floyd. “Signs serve as an entry point to launching a discussion about a difficult or controversial subject,” she says, “and hopefully help others consider opposing views as less threatening.”

Another nearby neighbor — the only Republican I know on the block — put out a Nikki Haley sign back when the presidential candidate was still standing up to Donald Trump. I asked him about it one morning as we were dumping our recycling in the alley bins. He looked wary at first but later explained his motivation in an email.

Credit: Parker Johnson, Unsplash

“I thought she was the most qualified person in the race at the time, and I wanted to show my support and get others to notice,” he told me. “This is the first time I’ve put up a sign in more than 15 years. Nikki was the only presidential candidate I’ve been excited about in many, many years.”

Power and privilege

The Reverend Kelli Clement, a Unitarian Universalist minister, puts up signs in the front yard of her house in south Minneapolis “without worrying too much,” she says. Many of her neighbors share her views, and she works inside an institution that aligns with her values.

She describes both of those circumstances as a privilege:

  • Freedom from fear that a progressive sign would get “shot up or stolen,” which has happened to people she knows in small-town Wisconsin and other rural areas.
  • Freedom from worry that the UU congregation she serves would reprimand or discipline her for voicing opinions that run contrary to church teachings.

The UU “values of justice, equity and inclusivity are my values,” Kelli says. She can’t imagine wanting to post a yard sign that runs contrary to those. Plus, “nonprofit leaders and religious folk are individuals in their own right,” she declares. “We don’t owe our civic opinion to our place of employment.”

For Joan, whom I met through community and political organizing, yard signs are a catalyst to explore and confirm her beliefs. They help her step beyond what’s comfortable “and proclaim a position and values.” Which can be hard, she says, “if you believe you are in the minority.”

I am at an age and stage where I no longer have to appease an employer — a time of life when I am developing what I consider a healthy disregard for whether people approve of me. At 67, after decades of working hard and playing by the rules, I feel I have earned the right to be forthright and frank, so long as I don’t disrespect others. My yard signs may mean little to neighbors or passerby, but for me they represent a visible, colorful, even audacious symbol of being true to myself.